There’s a conspiracy going on in the Plank household (at least that is what I tell Doug). The children are plotting against me: to not let me sleep at night, nap during the day, or even have a quiet time in the morning. Obviously this isn’t true, but it has seemed like a good possibility these past two weeks. I am rising early before the children having had only a little bit of sleep to focus on the Word of God, only to have someone beckon for my attention. In my heart (and even out of my mouth) I question God: it just doesn’t make any sense. Why would He withhold sleep which my body needs to function, and then also take from me time in His Word which my soul needs to function??? AAHHH!!! Meet zombie mommy with thin skin.
This morning I verbally questioned these things within earshot of my loving husband Doug. I asked him what he thinks God is trying to say to me since I can’t make sense of it. He told me to start first and foremost with NOT charging God and accusing Him of not being wise or good. This posture will only harm further thoughts I will have and cause me to react according to the lies I am believing. He reminded me that God knows I desire to pursue Him, but that pursuit may look and feel very differently than I might picture or prefer. On days like today, God is calling me to pursue him through humble, weak and tired dependence on him as I respond to my children’s needs and to the pressures of the day. I can hear His voice while I am training my children in the ways of God. I am teaching them to be wise and loving, not foolish and selfish. Over and over again I am reminding them to obey despite what they feel or desire–am I doing the same? Who is this discipline process more for–them or me?
His ways are not my ways. His plans for my every day as a wife and mother are better for me than the plans and pursuits that I might envision. I often think that I know what would best glorify God, and my ideas usually involve deliverance from pressures and suffering. God is after something bigger in me than comfort and ease. He can be trusted, for he has only, ever shown himself faithful to me.
July 17, 2009 at 7:02 am
Thank you so much for this post &your honesty, Mrs. Plank. I’ll pray for you right now.
July 17, 2009 at 9:32 am
Brenda,
I can completely relate to this… only these are my struggles even when I get sleep! How true that the process of disciplining my children is really doing a work in me! Thank you for the encouragement to trust our faithful Saviour in the midst of it all.
I appreciate you!
Love, Becky
July 17, 2009 at 9:56 am
I believe the same conspiracy against mommy is happening in the Heitland household. Thanks for your honesty, Brenda. I am beginning to see what God is teaching me in this season is my need to operate out of my weakness than any perceived strength that I think I may have. Tired mommies: UNITE!!
July 17, 2009 at 10:57 am
Thanks for sharing Brenda.
This verse came to mind (probably because I’ve been meditating on it, but I think it applies to this post as well):
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
2 Cor. 12:9:
July 17, 2009 at 12:10 pm
Brenda,
you are a treasure, and your humility is priceless. I am reminded each day why it was a HUGE deal that you said “I do” to me 8 years ago.
July 21, 2009 at 8:54 am
Brenda,
The irony is, this morning is the FIRST chance I’ve had to finish reading your post, for many of the same reasons you can’t finish time with God. Thank you for this humble reminder of God’s sovereignty, wisdom and care for us/me. I think every mom of young children can relate to zombie mom. I sure can. And, like you, I have been guilty of charging God. Thanks to Doug for his gracious and truthful response to you. How kind of God to give you Doug! (And then for you to share his words with us)
Love you, Planks!
Julie
July 27, 2009 at 12:32 pm
Brenda,
You may be a zombie mommy, but boy do your words serve all the others out there! I love the insight that how God wants you to pursue Him in a certain day will look different than what we might imagine. This is a concept I battle often. Thank you for your humble words that serve us all!
July 29, 2009 at 8:42 am
Brenda,
When I was in your shoes, I would turn on Elisabeth Elliot’s program at 3:15 each afternoon, lie down on the floor by the stereo speaker and WEEP when she would begin by saying “You are loved with an everlasting love and underneath are the everlasting arms.” Most often, I was not able to finish listening to her 15 minute show, but her opening words were such food for my weary soul. God was faithful to feed me. And He still is.