Crossway Life

For the husbands and dads among us true leadership, biblically defined, begins in the home – Eph. 5:25 and Eph. 6:4. In 31 years of marriage and parenting I have failed many time to meet the standard that the scriptures sets for us guys. At times I have complained to God that I just couldn’t meet His standard. Other times I have given in to the desire for comfort and forfeited the opportunity to receive grace from God. Regrettably, there have even been times when I have lead forcefully, failing to recognize the essential quality of humility required of all godly leaders. Throughout this time God has patiently instructed me toward His goals and the fruit I do see I can truly thank Him for. If I were to identify one person, humanly speaking, whose life and example God has most consistently used to point me toward His will that man would be CJ Mahaney.

At a recent conference Steve Shank interviews CJ on biblical masculinity. Taken from The Pursuit conference, a 2007 Sovereign Grace Ministries Regional Conference in Arizona, the discussion covers the understanding and practice of biblical manhood for young men, husbands, and fathers. The interview concludes with a helpful segment on the importance of men humbly welcoming observations from others. If it were not for the profound example of sacrificial serving which Jesus demonstrated on the cross no man among us would be capable of attempting biblical masculinity.

Being at the Pastors College is, as you may imagine, a tremendous privilege. And every once in awhile we experience a special dose of kindness from God, and this week is a prime example. We have had the privilege of sitting under the teaching of Dr. Ligon Duncan, Senior Minister at First Presbyterian Church in Jackson, MS. You may know Dr. Duncan from his involvement in the Together for the Gospel conference, or from one of the many organizations that he leads within Evangelicalism (CBMW, ACE, the PCA).

Dr. Duncan is teaching us on Covenant Theology. Briefly, Covenant Theology helps us to understand how God has related to his people throughout the history of redemption, and to understand the underlying storyline and structure of the Bible, which helps us to fit the pieces together, as it were. But not only am I sitting under a world-class scholar, I have the added benefit of getting to sit with our pastors. Pete, Bill, Doug & Kurt have all come down to Gaithersburg this week for the very ambitious task of holding their Elders’ Planning Retreat and sitting in with Dr. Duncan. I so admire their dedication: not only are they taking the time to be intentional in leading and caring for the church, but they’re also working hard at deepening their understanding of the Bible. They are sitting in class with me all day, and then going to the hotel at night and holding their retreats. I don’t envy them that schedule.

Dr. Duncan is the picture of the Southern gentleman-scholar. It is moving to listen to him teach such profound truths, and to see him so genuinely affected by the truth of God’s merciful provision for sinners that we have seen this week again, and again, and again (Adam, Noah, Abraham, Moses, David, and Jesus). Dr. Duncan was kind enough to come together with us for a group picture.

This winter I have been taking a class with David Powlison. He is teaching a new class entitled the Elements of Biblical Change. It has been a distinct privilege to hear David share his distilled wisdom from years of ministry and recently he made some comments about listening that were very insightful. I wanted to pass them on because I found them very helpful personally and because they can have practical implications for our relationships with others as we seek to understand each other. In David’s words:

The biblical idea of listening is more robust than that of the secular idea. It finds its basis in who God is. He listens to us. It is a profound expression of His love for us. He listens to us and He speaks back!

Psalm 55:17 ¹⁷ Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
Psalm 3:4 To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill.

[1] To listen is one of the central acts of love. When you genuinely listen to someone it communicates that you hear them, not for the purpose of doing something for them, but simply because you care. You actually take another person seriously. It is as if you are saying, “Your concerns matter to me.” It is attentiveness with a heart.

[2] Listening well to someone is very important for showing them respect. At the simplest level this kind of respect validates a person’s reality (their experience). It says that “you live in a world that I don’t live in.” It communicates that you exist and that you are not an extension of my universe. It shows the person that they are not accountable to you but to the Holy Spirit. People don’t want to feel that they are just a problem to be fixed. They want to be considered, understood, loved and challenged. Usually, in that order.

[3] Listening is crucial to knowing a person. The only way we can truly know someone is if they self-disclose. To listen well reveals that you recognize that they are the only person who truly understands the terrain of their lives. Granted they may not see it accurately but no one else can describe it the way they see it but them. If we are going to help people with words of counsel or encouragement we have to know them. To be a good listener I must ask myself, “Do I really want to know who you are?” To have a genuine curiosity about another person is a gift that we can give to them.

[4] The prospect of being this kind of listener challenges us to a fundamental humility in the way we relate to others! The opposite of caring, respectful listening is to be a fool.

Proverbs 18:2 ² A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only ^ain expressing his opinion. Proverbs 18:13 ¹³ If one gives an answer ^abefore he hears, it is his folly and shame.

Brenda and I had the pure joy of opening our home to a group of Crossway single ladies two Friday’s ago (3/14).  Our church is truly blessed with a gifted and dynamic group of singles.  On the docket for this meeting?  Cheese cakes, hot drinks, fellowship & 1 Corinthians chapter 3.

In my teaching to the ladies, we focused in on the “identity crisis” that Paul addresses in his letter to the Corinthians.  This crisis came as a result of the church body losing sight of what is of first importance: “Christ and Him crucified.”  The Corinthians, motivated by jealousy and strife, began identifying themselves with a particular group within the church to the exclusion of other groups (“I am of Apollos”, “I am of Cephas”, etc.).  The result?  Grace and unity were constricted as people chose to root their identity in something far shallower than what God has for His people in the Gospel.

The cross stands like the American flag at Iwo Jima – and God calls His people to join in and take hold, relating to one another with brotherly affection under its mighty shadow.  Christ’s death brings together all manner of life: young and old, married and single, black and white, Jew and gentile.  Christ obliterated any differences, jealousies or strife by declaring over all: “It is finished!”  Whenever we choose to identify ourselves at a shallower depth than the deep soil of our common salvation in the gospel, we will quickly find the branches of fellowship become brittle as we shrink in our capacity to love and serve those who are different than us.

For the single, at times it may seem that they are in a “married world”.  Yet, when it comes down to it, the gospel is bigger and deeper than that.  Marital status should not determine the quality of one’s ability to love and serve others in the body and should never reduce any person to dry and brittle branches.  God has given us deep and common bonds at Golgotha.  Christ and His saving work make it possible to experience true, biblical fellowship across all lines of race, age and marital status.

I praise God for the singles of Crossway – who are far from brittle, and who constantly lay down their lives in love for God’s people, not choosing to bow to the sinful temptations that lead to the “identity crisis” that Paul talked of in 1Cor. 3.  Please join me in thanking our singles often for their sacrifices – and pray for the Lord’s blessing on them!

Each year, for the past 15 years, I become totally enthralled with college basketball. What’s interesting is that I give very little attention to college basketball until the beginning of March Madness, the NCAA men’s tournament. The minute the bracket comes out, I am all over ESPN filling out the brackets and getting others to do the same.  It’s a fun event that brings a personal excitement to the tournament.  I found out years ago that if I got my wife to fill out her brackets she would view watching basketball games as a date night . . . guys please take note!  

This year I am realizing that watching the NCAA tournament holds an important teaching moment for my family.  You see, my boys are really into watching the games and filling out their brackets.  They have chosen teams to win games, and with each game that they lose on their bracket, I am able to see a bit more clearly what is going on in their hearts.  It is giving me the opportunity to instruct and encourage them to see that God is sovereign over all things and we are not.  God is the only one who is perfect in all his ways and we as feeble creatures cannot be perfect.  That is why we need a perfect Savior to save us. 

Many times we as adults want to live lives that are perfect.  Perfectionism is a dangerous word we use to cover up the sins of “self-sufficiency” and “pride”.  In wanting to or thinking we should be perfect, we are placing ourselves in the center and pushing God aside.    

Each moment I am with my children I want to be looking for opportunities to help them interpret the things going on around them.  Our children’s sinful hearts will want to view things through the lens of their own selfish pride, but we as Christian parents are called to direct them away from their foolish thinking to amazement at God’s Grace.

So, parents, let’s use each moment, each circumstance, each activity to teach and inform our children in the way they should go.  May we be skilled in pointing our children to the Gospel even when we are watching college basketball.  (Go Tarheels!)

Resource Recommendation: Everyday Talk by John Younts is an excellent book to help and guide you to talk freely and naturally about God with your children.  It’s available at our Resource Center. 

Welcome to a new chapter in Crossway Life. This morning we begin the first of what will be weekly posts from the pastors wives of Crossway Church. Each Friday the wives will share thoughts and encouragement on their walk with God through their varied seasons of life as women, wives, and mothers. Welcome this morning, Grace Privitera, wife of senior pastor, Peter.

Well, it has been about 48 hours since my last migraine. I am thanking God! Health is something that I have easily taken for granted…until migraines.

I started experiencing migraines about two years ago. Quick side note, I am not exactly “Miss Outdoor Woman” but two years ago Pete and I and some friends went hiking…woohoo, fun for all. We went twice in one month to be exact. A few weeks after our wonderful outdoor extravaganza I noticed a bulls eye rash, flu-like symptoms, etc. We went to the doc and it was determined that I was bitten by a tick and infected by Lyme Disease. Me, whose idea of being outdoors is having coffee outside at the Prince Street Cafe.

Upon coming down with Lyme’s, that was treated and cured with antibiotics, I began experiencing excruciatingly painful migraines. I remember lying on the couch in complete darkness and quiet and asking God to take the pain away. He didn’t, at least not right away. Several months passed and my migraines returned. I remember, again, lying on the couch in complete darkness and quiet and praying that God would take my headaches away. Once more, He didn’t, at least not right away. After several bouts with migraines, praying, having other people pray for me, God has not seen fit to heal my migraines. And although, my desire is to be healed and I know that God in His omnipotence has the ability to heal me, He may not in this life.

What He has done, though, outweighs the pain and inconvenience of my headaches. He has, through Pete’s wise care, shown me to embrace the migraine as His goodness to me for that day. My initial inclination is to turn my attention from the migraine and moan about the pain and pray only for healing. God, however, is using the pain and inconvenience for my good. He wants me to look directly at the migraine and embrace it as a revelation of my weak, fallen state. And He, in His goodness, is strong on my behalf. He is good and His hand can be trusted even when He is “handing” me something that I would not choose.

2 Cor. 12:9 says, “But he said to me, ‘my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ ” I would not choose to be so aware of my weakness, but God in His kindness has ordained it, that I may know His grace more.